11 (important) lessons on tube etiquette

Welcome, young Braveheart. I understand you’ve journeyed to this neck of the woods as you prepare for a battle that only the most trained warriors embark on: you are to become one of the People of the Underworld. Yes, that’s right: you’re about to use TFL’s underground tube services for the first time. As legend has it, this dark art requires intense skill, extreme competence, and good timing… all skills that can be learnt quickly using the 9 lessons that I have compiled into this guide on tube etiquette for you. So read onwards, my wild-spirited friend, and may the force of the rush hour herd of commuters be with you.

1. Wear a mask

Remember that due to coronavirus, you now have to wear a mask at all times when you use public transport. This will not only help protect you but will also help to protect those around you. Some individuals are exempt from wearing a mask due to medical or other reasons. If you aren't exempt however, failure to wear a mask could land you a heafty fine. Always carry one with you and even carry a spare just incase one breaks or is lost. You don't want to miss your train or bus because you didn't have your mask!

2. Remember to maintain social distancing 

Remember to always follow the UK government's latest guidelines when it comes to maintaining your distance from others whilst using public transport. Social distancing means aiming to keep your distance as much as possible. For example, when boarding a train, try to sit or stand in the emptiest part of the carriage. The current government guidelines state that you should aim to remain 2 meters apart from other but this may be subject to change as new guidelines are published.

Please check the UK government's latest Covid-19 advice for the latest on social distancing rules.  

3. Let passengers off first

Okay, so this one can be explained using my basic GCSE Physics knowledge of fluid mechanics*. If there is no space in a carriage, you will first need to empty the carriage before you can put more things (or people) in it. This roughly translates as: when your tube arrives, do try to stand to the side of the opening doors so that you can let the other sleep-deprived Londoners off first before you step on. This definitely won’t make the whole experience feel more pleasant (nothing can), but it will make the ‘system’ run smoother and help you avoid bumping into anyone else. (Ew).

4. Don’t make eye contact

If there’s anything that David Attenborough’s Nature Documentaries should have taught you, let it be that eye contact is the worst thing you could possibly do in any kind of social situation in the Animal Kingdom. By doing so, you’re not only exerting your alpha-female/male potential, but you’re also making the person sat in front of you wonder, rather uncomfortably, if they have their lunch stuck in their teeth.

5. No (smelly) foods

Survival of the fittest comes to mind here. Although the human brain has developed a cortical area that allows us to think and (sometimes) act like rational beings capable of higher thought, its foundations lie on the same stuff that vultures circling their prey have: a limbic system. This means, if it smells, we’re either going to want to involuntarily gag or rip the McDonald’s burger right out of your clutch and eat it ourselves. Also, nobody wants to sit on a seat with food wrappers on or stand in a sticky puddle of strawberry milkshake.

6. Stand on the right and walk on the left

Nothing is more terrifying than the impatient growls of a mob of Londoners standing behind you on the left side of the escalators as you are unfortunate enough to approach a block. This said block can be anything; an ill-placed suitcase, an unfortunate grandparent, or just someone who’s not yet read this article on tube etiquette. So please, think of your fellow warriors’ safety and always stand only on the right and walk on the left. This also goes for staircases: keep to the left when walking either up or down them. Together, we can defeat the stairblock stereotype.

7. Do not obstruct the doors

Sometimes, you just can’t help holding up 500 or so people desperately trying to get to work/home/the airport and suspiciously out of the country. But when you can, please avoid doing so. Nobody will commend you on your ninja moves when you jump onto the carriage at the very last moment but get your backpack stuck in the door. You will be silently but publicly shamed by every passenger on that tube and it will (might) be humiliating.

8. Donate your seat to the elderly, pregnant, or those less able to stand

No jokes here. Not donating your seat to these passengers is behaviour that I just can’t… stand. (* winks *).

But seriously, they usually have circular white or navy blue badges on – so keep a lookout for those!

9. Ignore the drunk guy

Yes, that’s a thing you might want to do. A lot. Especially on Friday nights. Enough said about that.

10. Don’t wait for ticket barriers to close behind you

It’s a lonely, loveless world out there, especially if you’re a ticket barrier. For this reason only, ticket barriers are very fond of catching human beings within their gates. This means, if you take too long to cross through or stand on the other side, the person after you may accidentally close the gates on you (insufficiently topped up Oyster cards do this superbly!). And, if you get stuck, it takes a while for them to reopen. That holds up queues in busy stations, making others behind you begin to froth at the mouth. So stay safe. And keep going once at the other side of the barrier!

11. Don’t take these rules too seriously

Affirmative. I have just contradicted myself. (It feels great). The last rule of tube etiquette is to not take the rules too seriously. Mostly, it’s a pleasant surprise to see someone wearing a genuine smile on public transport. Being considerate of others is refreshing and spreading a little light-hearted tube humour can also help someone get through some of their most difficult days. So, really, just stay awesome and I’m sure that, eventually, you’ll figure it all out on your own anyway. Good luck and always keep a tube map on you!

*I don’t really know what fluid mechanics is. Sorry about that.

Maryam Clark, UCL Student, PhD in Bioscience