UCL News


Leader: Germans by the pool

19 July 2006

We are, you see, all Germans now.

This conclusion is confidently asserted by scientists at UCL, who have used computer models to make sense of a discrepancy between science and archaeology. The former suggested that the invading Anglo-Saxons swiftly commanded this island's gene pool. The latter believed this impossible because of the comparatively small number of migrants who made it from Germany. The answer, according to UCL, is that the newcomers presided over an apartheid-like society and used their military power and economic advantage to outbreed the locals. The poor Celt, known as the Welshman to his Anglo-Saxon masters, did not have a chance. Restricted by curbs on intermarriage, his genes were swamped over 15 generations by the rampaging fresh arrivals. …

From this flow a number of happy consequences. We can talk about the war. We need no longer feel that the origins of our Royal Family make it slightly "foreign". And we can claim a collective total of four World Cups. But there is one crucial fact that undermines the whole scientific theory. Why can't we take penalties?

'The Times'