Gladys and Bernie

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In an educational way,
two fictional residents of Austin, Texas converse

Which statements could make sense in terms of the jargon you have learned? Use the biological meaning of the jargon, IGNORE the everyday meaning of the same words:

Question 1
a) Pass me those black fishnet stockings, Bernie, I'm feeling exotic tonight!
b) I can't pass you those stockings Gladys, I can't hardly breathe, the air is so bad, there must be a problem with the ecosystem.
c) It's not only the air that's bad, Bernie, it's the water. If you ask me it's biological magnification that's responsible!
d) Well, if we die, at least we're mostly biodegradable!
e) So we won't be converted to fossil fuels, then?

Question 2
a) Fetch me my overcoat, Gladys, I'm feeling allopatric today!
b) Fetch me the big cleaver, Gladys, I'm about to speciate!
c) Pass me the beer, Bernie, I'd like to perform a fixed action pattern on it!
d) On second thoughts, Bernie , DON'T pass me the beer, I'm already exceeded my carrying capacity!

Question 3
a) Gladys, watch me! When I'm through with the beer I'm gonna take this axe and inflict a caudal autotomy on that %$&ing Ben Priestley! He won't know his $*@^ from his %#> by the time I'm through with him!
b) Gladys, watch me! By the time I'm through gettin' medieval with Ben he's gonna have to send for a double knockout pig to get hisself a heart transplant!
c) Gladys, watch me! I'll destroy that Ben, you're gonna see catastrophism at work!
d) Don't be stupid, Bernie, you leave that Ben alone, don't you know he's a Batesian mimic? He's more dangerous than he looks!

Question 4
a) Quit pulling the wings off those flies, Bernie, that's immoral, don't you know those wings are homologous with your own arms, how sick is that?
b) Hey, how'd you expect me to behave, Gladys, I'm just an animal, if you chopped me up you'd find a vestigial tail!
c) Let's not fight, Bernie, let's go help bad Uncle Albert rob the bank, the poor guy has NO kids and he won't ever have any, remember he's had a court-ordered vasectomy. He needs us to help him get rich and we should do it so we can increase our inclusive fitness.
d) I suspect it's not Albert who interests you, Gladys, I think it's that sidekick of his, that Basil, I think you're planning to perform some sexual selection on him!
e) Sexual selection isn't something you perform, Bernie, it's something that happens! Or not, as the case may be!

Question 5
a) Come on, Bernie, lets go start a new life on a deserted Tropical Island, we could have a few kids and make a nice population bottleneck!
b) I can see us now, Bernie, you and me on our tropical island, we could invite Jeff make a nice little dominance hierarchy, couldn't we, just the three of us?
c) Think about it Bernie, we could live free from stress, wed live to be REALLY old and get to see our great grandkids, I bet theyll be pretty homozygous, eh?
d) I dont think well be starting any kids tonight Gladys, I can feel a premating isolating mechanism creeping up on me!
e) Are you sure, Bernie? Im feeling altruistic tonight!

Question 6
a) Aren't you proud of me Gladys, I've bought this exercise machine to improve my fitness! And I only paid $3499!
b) Fine, Bernie, you paid too much, again, but do be cautious with it, if you set it too high it could make you heterozygous.
c) Don't worry about me over-exercising Gladys, I'm feeling dominant tonight!
d) Well, dominant or not, you've cut your finger on the handles, you need a little mitosis!
e) Gladys, you should be a bit nicer to me, just think what this machine will do to my phenotype, in ten days Ill be able to go find me a new woman!

Question 7
a) Hey there Gladys, I'm in the mood for some heterogametic sex!
b) Heterogametic sex isn't something you DO, Bernie, it's something you ARE, and in fact it's what I am, not what you are. Right, Rosie?
c) You're both wrong, Gladys, it's Bernie that's heterogametic! How do you feel about that, Bernie?
d) I think it'll make me genetically dominant, like, I'm never going to be recessive again, man.
e) Hah! Dominant, indeed! What being the heterogametic sex will make you, Bernie, is more likely to be colorblind!

Source: genuine BIO 301 final exam questions utilized at the University of Texas, Austin
Answers: under construction


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